April 21, 2003

Rob was away for a week. A whole week! That's the longest I've been alone since we were married. No, wait, there was the time he went to Vegas to shoot pool for almost two weeks. Damn, I missed him then. Missed him this time, too. "It's different when you're married," my mother said. Strangely, she's right.

This time, it was ostensibly business instead of pleasure, but it would take a trained eye to tell: he was off to lovely Salt Lake City for Novell Brainshare 2003. Just call it Nerdvana.

For weeks I'd been teasing him that I should make him an Advent calendar, little windows counting down the days til he could finally get there: he couldn't have been more excited to go, and I couldn't have been prouder of him.

But here's a home truth about traveling- the partner who's gone is too busy to get very lonely. The one left behind, however, can have a tendency to get mopey and bored.

Valiantly I tried to avoid turning into a curmudgeonly hermit ("people are no damn good...") by making copius plans to Get Out as much as possible. The camera was on safari to Utah, but I had the car all to myself...

One day I met Elspeth in Kensington Market, where we had a fine coffee, maybe did a little low-level flirting with some of the tastier shopkeepers, and I gave her a sheet of the photos from her Mermaid Bride session the previous week.

Another time, I convinced Jade to come out to my favourite café in the city, which is a twenty minute drive for me but a mere five minute walk for her. Hey, no pressure.

Two choir rehearsals, both followed by beer expeditions, in aid of our concert this week- the rehearsals, not the beer, though who's to say it doesn't help?

And on Thursday, Marina and a very well-behaved TJ (just turned three years old) accompanied me to the Royal Ontario Museum, where I finally took in the 50s couture show- and made some sketches. Maaja even invited me over for dinner, and had such a good time that I feared I may have turned into The Guest That Wouldn't Leave!

Even with all this, I found the time to have my spirits droop a little. Tuesday night. Wrote some existentially bitter little entries, and couldn't post 'em because I could NOT figure out where this new HS keep my goddamn files, and of course I couldn't reach Rob in Utah (yes, I tried. Pathetic...) and it was just late enough, and I was just tired enough, that it all went briefly pear-shaped for a bit. I dreamt badly, waking up choking on tears. Like that.

Part of the thing is that it becomes very easy to fall into cooking for two, and harder to get back to cooking solo. At first I keep careful track of what I ate, and when, noting that all the food groups were being attended to, and energy levels were thus sufficient, etcetera. Then I started forgetting to eat, or just not feeling bothered, and that's a bad old habit that would best be left alone.

To my body's vast relief, I've finally managed to relax gently into vegetarianism. Why? It's not really for moral or health reasons- even though I do believe it's both more ethical and healthier to eat less flesh. It's just that for years my body's been trying to tell me that red meat's not an acceptable food, it can't be digested here, it's not the thing. No cows or piggies for Cameron. Chicken is still acceptable, for now; fish will always be okay for me.

I've had veggie pals my entire adult life, and have the good fortune to move in circles sufficiently worldly to accept this as an unremarkable choice. I have yet to encounter anyone rude enough to debate the issue, but the answer would be simple enough: "I don't eat meat because I don't like it." Not to say that I didn't enjoy it, back in the day. And not to say this is a forever choice. But for now, it's finally time.

Anyway, I'm still trying to figure out what to eat, how much protein I actually need, how to get it. And how to make dinner for me that's meatless while still pleasing my happy carnivorous honey. Lucky for him, I still like cooking meat; I just won't eat the stuff.

It's all good. Eventually.